Trapped I feel trapped... A flickering moth, abducted by the light in an eternal state of phototaxis A struggling rat, caught in a mousetrap gradually accepting the thought of death A cocky roach, appendages paralyzed by amber molasses feelers erratically flailing in distress A tiny ant, drowning in a pool of honey gulping every last, sweet breath of air A jittery fly, tangled in spider's web unwittingly preparing itself to be its next meal A busy bee, suddenly engulfed in green teeth while greedily drinking at its deceitfully sweet nectar A naive rabbit, snagged by metal cuffs wildly spasming with each attempted escape A fluttering butterfly, snatched in soft mesh impulsively flapping its wings to take flight A dangling fish, held proudly from angler's hook desperately gasping for atoms of air A restless dog, tightening its leash with each futile tug foolishly strangling itself to get ahead A tamed tiger, restlessly stalking its cage endlessly pacing, awaiting the day its at last released An imprisoned primate, thrashing about in its manufactured enclosure painfully aware of its dire and futile predicament thinking Let me out I want to live
Stuck I am stuck An invisible force holding me down Gravity binding me to the ground I try to get up, but I feel three times my weight I want to get up, but this constraint is overpowering I go to get up, but I am unable to move Caught in a Venus flytrap Feeling inevitable death but doing nothing about it No one can help me I am stuck
End of Covid (or Spring is Here!) People out Children playing Mothers shouting Dads catching Babies crying Friends laughing Joggers running Athletes training Couples smiling Guys joking Kids frolicking Teens flirting Birds chirping Cars driving Ambulance wailing Babies screaming Dogs barking Planes gliding Gangs hanging Crowds gathering Bands playing Music blasting Cyclists cruising Bells clanging Men working Seniors sitting Boys chasing Girls giggling Balls dribbling Clouds parting Sun shining Ice melting Mood shifting Depression lifting THIS IS THE END OF COVID
4.13.21 – Vision “Vision without action is a dream.”
Why don’t I have a vision? Something that guides me, and motivates me along the way? I can envision so many great things, almost will them into being. But by own future moves along a different timeline. I can open the door to my mind, yet have no access my future. Even a hazy vision would be fine; it doesn’t have to be crystal clear. When I close my eyes, all I see nothing but darkness, still I can hear the voices sneering and snickering hiding in the corners of my mind. I suppose that’s what therapists are for. Wait a second – my vision is to have a vision. Eureka, I’ve got it! Time to get to work. What is my vision? Why don’t I…
3.04.21 – Cog in The Machine
Most men are simply a cog in the machine… In that they, no matter how integral, are just part of what makes the whole contraption run. But they, too, will be replaced after churning out their best work, put through the grind, worn and abraded, a thick layer of elbow grease, blood, sweat and tears, with another just like him but at cheaper cost. None the matter; as long as this thing keeps running. Now go back to work!
3.03.21 – A Man
What is a man, if not his word? A man is his promise. And I cannot keep promises. In fact, anything I’ve “promised” you before this very writing could not and should not be counted on. And for that, I apologize. I am human, but I feel more like a scrapped blueprint for one. “I am my thoughts,” and my thoughts are made of shame and regret. Shame and regret for what? For letting myself down; for I know what a man is – sense one when he is in my presence – and I am not that, although it is what I strive to be: to finally become A Man.
Race Against Time A race against time There's too much time in the day to be motivated And not enough time to get anything done The ultimate enigma But the clock is neutral to whether it wins or loses Its hands taunting with each tick toward death
hold your head up How have I, once so proud to share with others become so despondent hiding away in the darkness of isolation How have I aspired to remain anonymous when all I strive for is notoriety, How come I am holding my head in shame when I used to carry it so high How have I sunk into such a deep hole when I used to see over the tallest peaks How have I given up when there’s still so much left to do so much to share so much yet to be done… For now I'll remain in the dark where I belong.
I tried... And then I died.
ReflectionnoitcelfeR *All this time because I never understood myself All this stress because I never took the time to reflect All this confusion because I never understood myself All this depression because I never made a decision All this pain because I never reevaluated my life All this anxiety because I never realized *Repeat
The Bear by Cameron Brtnik (based on my girlfriend's dream 3/22/18) I had a dream, twas more like a 'mare I had a dream I was chased by a bear This big brown bear was chasing me It chased me until I ran up a tree I was safe there, at least for now There's no way in hell that I'm coming down Then the bear whipped out its claws Five sharp knives on large white paws It bared its fangs like sharpened blades And shook the tree until it gave Right then I jumped and made escape I looked behind me and saw its shape That's when the fear and dread arrived Don't think I'll make it out alive I ran and ran like rabbit game Inside my fears I had to tame I couldn't tell what's dream or real I thought I'd be the bear's next meal Frantic, panic, sweat and tears All my doubts, anxiety, fears Would I escape? I wasn't sure Next thing that happened was a blur I fell and stumbled, tried to reach high My heart was pounding, I felt it cry I tried to wake up, cried and moaned No one to wake me, all alone The bear bit down upon my head I let him eat me, sure I was dead Then suddenly, everything was fine No more fear, it was a sign From then on when the bear gave chase I stood my ground, stared face to face ….. Now don’t you see, I am the bear The one being chased, the one that's scared But now I can control it, see And tame the bear that lives in me
Deadline I’m not tired but I’m not awake I close my eyes wanting to shut out everything and focus But I fall asleep once again behind schedule Day's gone When I’m asleep deadline's drift away like sand in an ocean breeze Pray I don't wake up, to stay in limbo Awoken again by the greed of day I feel the instant deadline of life waiting